I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize