I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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