Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
