his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
