it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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