nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Alive.
So much puke
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
