Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
