so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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