too bad you live with your parents still
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize