You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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