She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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