All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
