dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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