my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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