I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
