fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
