I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
