Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
