I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
