so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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