shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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