Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
