Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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