He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
