Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm always down for nudity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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