btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
