was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
