Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
