Apparently you make a good broom.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
