Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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