it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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