i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize