hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
