I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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