Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
