looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
