I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
