Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
