I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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