M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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