Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
