It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
