and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
