we have officially lost it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
