He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize