No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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