so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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