i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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