ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love you. Go after that dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
