gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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