I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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