Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
