That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
