After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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