How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
