i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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