PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
