I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
