Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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