She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this will be a night to untag.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
