I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
