I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
