I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
