So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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