i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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