John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
