despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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