I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
